My life's happiness for the past four years has been so solely focused on my health emotionally and physically. I have gone through so much ups and downs with my weight and peace of mind, and I figure with the 4 year anniversary of my choice to become vegetarian coming up, I want to celebrate the success I have found, but more importantly the adventure that has only just begun.
I will never forget the spark that lit this passion. When I was a young girl, I was "Skinny Minney" but unfortunately that didn't last once puberty hit. The weight kept coming, and my addiction to food spiraled into a deep hole. Looking back, I'm not sure whether I can blame ignorance or my honest detachment I felt towards taking care of my body. Finally I had reached my moment of clarity the summer of junior year. At 260 pounds, I wasn't even sure who I was. All my focus was on my physical appearance and trying to hide the insecurity. I reached a point where I felt like the fat girl, the one everyone made snide comments about when she was turned. I couldn't allow myself to sink any lower than what all the anger, resentment, and insecurity had buried me in.
While I was ready for change, and the quick diets helped me lose some weight, I didn't feel genuine change until I decided to go vegetarian. I became so sick of WANTING to be something, but not willing to work at it. I was one to always throw the towel in once things got hard. That wise saying about that path with least resistance, yeah, I was ready for resistance. I'm not going to pretend that it was easy, my body craved all the garbage I was putting into it for so many years. It also didn't help that my whole family are those mean ol' carnivores. :)
But through the past four years, I have lost 100 pounds. While I have to remember to pat myself on the back, that still isn't the most important thing. I have had this realization that the health of our bodies and the health of our earth and future are not as detached as we like to sometimes believe. When we allow our food to be produced by big name cooperations and factory farms, not only are the health benefits cut into fractions, but our carbon footprint gets bigger and bigger. That is no longer acceptable to me.
More than anything, I get the question "Why?!" And my answer is so simple. Through my transition from avid meat-eater to vegetarian to vegan, I have this one answer that every woman can understand. I have stopped searching for contentment with my physical body. I don't count calories, I don't step on the scale every day, I don't eat my food according to points. I am just completely filled up with happiness and still satiated with food that is not only feeding my body, but feeding my soul. I know, at this point you're ready to stop reading this hippie dippie crap. Trust me, I never EVER thought I would ever say things like that, but I am and believing it with my whole heart. When you feed your body shit, how do you feel?
Im not writing this as a way to get people to jump onboard the veggie train or in any narcissistic craving that needed to be filled. I wanted to find my own therapeutic experience through all of this, but to also celebrate our bodies and lives. I'm not going to pretend like I don't have some of those insecurities still bleeding through sometimes, or still have days where my legs are too jiggly for my liking. But then I reassure myself that I am doing what I can to take care of my body, and consequently my earth, and thats more beautiful than any propaganda in movies or magazine can deter me from believing. Let's be proud of who we are, and embrace the beauty of that commitment.
Enough of my womenly rant. :) Be at peace with who you are, but never stop fighting for who you would like to be. <3
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