Honesty

I have recently been thinking a lot about this journey that I've been on with my health.  I've decided that only by being honest with myself and the people around me will I reach my most inner peace. I realize that by telling my story, and celebrating the knowledge and peace I have found through it all, I may feed some inspiration to someone like so many did for me. While I have shared most of it, I accept that I must be completely honest...so here it goes.  Like I have mentioned before, I struggled with weight from pretty much the age of 11 or 12.  Once puberty hit, the weight kept adding up.  At the age of 16, I weighed around 260 pounds and life was miserable, but I don't really think back on that as my darkest hour.  To be honest, I don't think I was SO consumed with my weight until I started losing it.  Once it started coming off, I look back on it like a drug.  I wanted more and more and more.  You tell yourself you will be happy at a certain pants size or weight, but once you hit that, you keep telling yourself you will really only be content with another 10 pounds lost.  While I appreciated all the wonderful feedback about how much weight I had lost, people had no idea what kind of war I was waging within myself.  I had become bulimic overnight and never thought there was a problem.  I convinced myself I was a much more improved, healthier, happier self when I was doing this.  Needless to say, I wasn't but I refused to see the truth.

It has been about a year and a half since I have purged or even thought about it with any consideration.  My life is changed and I can truly thank two things in my life, my wonderful man for loving me for all my beautiful flaws, and veganism for changing everything I thought I knew.  I have found this unexplainable peace with my body and my health, and know that weight will sometimes come and go.  There will always be things that I feel could use work, insecurities that are triggered by random things throughout my day...but I can't replace the peace I have found through this journey with anything.  I have learned to love my body and myself, and regain a trust and love with my food. You will always be beautiful as long as you can accept yourself for you, flaws and all.  Do not let media, peers, and social outlets make you feel otherwise.

Be kind to yourself, and I promise kindness and peace will seep through your pours and inspire others to do good.